From Mark 5:24-34, “So Jesus went with them. A large crowd surrounded and pressed around him.” Feel the claustrophobic crowd pushing in. Hear the cacophony of voices calling out. Smell the bodies pressing together and sense the excited uncertainty about what Jesus will do next. “A woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse.”
Twelve years of hoping and of hopes dashed. Twelve years of misery, of pain, of weakness. She is without resources; financially, physically, emotionally, mentally. She is destitute and discouraged beyond words and worst of all she is alone. Belonging nowhere and with no one. I know what it feels like to feel alone even in a crowd, so do you. I wonder what this Woman's name was, despair, hopeless, outcast. Twelve years of an ailment that made her unclean and outside of society and even left without a place to meet with God. She can't go to the synagogue to seek out Jesus where he often taught. She can't even go there to pray. From Leviticus 15:19….“when a woman has her regular flow of blood, the impurity of her monthly period will last seven days, and anyone who touches her will be unclean till evening.” But she has not been unclean for seven days but twelve grueling years. Unlike Jairus, who has a position of standing, she is nothing and she has lived this reality every day, year after year.
Maybe you've tasted this kind of despair. Perhaps you know pain and doubt is an ever-present companion. You wonder where you belong. If you belong. We all carry our own feelings of unclean, outcast, alone. When God seems distant and faith bleeding, but we are not alone. And somewhere deep inside this broken woman she finds a mustard seed of faith and takes a risk, an audacious risk. She works her way through the crowd until she is close enough to touch Jesus.
Now my prayer of asking God to search me turned to one of repentance. I saw how easily I felt superior as the wronged one and saw the other as one dimensional in terms of their offense. I remembered how I appeared to offer mercy but sometimes knew it was self-righteous mercy. How perhaps I'd made a little comment or remark here or there in the guise of warning people or me seeking Sympathy by sharing my hurt. And I saw how sometimes these little hurts were as much about my insecurity and wounded pride as they were about the actual perceived wrong.
I drew a big cross over the list the names and I asked for God's help to truly forgive. In Luke 17 when the disciples were told they were to forgive 70 times 7, meaning indefinitely, they cried, increase our faith. I needed to pray that over and again. See we can't just start with prayer we must live in prayer. That is part of becoming the kind of people who readily forgive. Only as I live in continual communication with God can the words of Matthew 5 earlier in Christ's Sermon on the Mount, become not just a dream but a reality. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. That's not easy, there is a price. And on my own forgiveness will usually only result in empty words while I replay the recordings of the wrong. I need the cross. I need Jesus.
Think of what the Philippians heard. The cross wasn’t embossed on their Bibles or hung in their churches or worn on a pretty chain around their necks. The cross had none of the softened beauty of today, it was the brutalist of punishments and the ultimate humiliation. This is the heart of Paul’s theology. His understanding of Gods being and his doing in our fallen world. This is who God is. Obedience wasn’t demanded of Christ it was freely given. He humbled himself because it is who he is. The one equal with God has fully revealed the highest truth about God, that God is love. A love that expresses itself in sacrifice.
The mind of Christ kind of obedience isn’t a demanded, blind, unquestioning, “shut up and do it”, kind of obedience. Though at times when I am filled with selfish ambition and vein conceit it would probably be advisable. This is an obedience that flows out of love, knowing the character of God so deeply that that character is being formed in me.
We bring the whole of who we are into parenting, and all will sometimes sin. Sometimes get it wrong. The sooner we understand that the more we let go of the drive to be the perfect parent, the more we lean into the perfect parent—God.
"The beyond-our-comprehension reality at the heart of the universe is that God in Christ on the cross has forgiven all our sins, set us right with Him, and gathered us into His righteousness. We cannot comprehend it, but we can most certainly live it—a way of life in which everything about us is and continues to be formed in the likeness of Christ."
There is our hope. Part of my continual frustration and shame came from trying to be perfect, to be "God." To somehow control each situation and raise the perfect children and create the perfect memories. And though God desperately wanted to work in me and through me, he never meant for me to do the job that was His.
"What happens if I ask you if the way you respond in times of stress, or pain, or loss, support what you claim to be your picture of God? When life goes wrong, do you ever wonder if God is punishing you? Do you truly feel that God is always for your? Or a bit against you? What does your prayer life suggest about your true picture of God? How about your level of anxiety? Your relationships? How you feel about yourself? AW Tozer wrote, “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.” The truth is we can think we know a lot about God and His Word, give all the right answers, and yet—because our stated belief doesn’t match our long-term persistent experience of God, we will live out a completely different picture of God than the one we say we believe."
When we're attentive to the Spirit, He can teach us through a variety of unconventional ways—through circumstances, through friends, and even through the songs we hear. Our pastors have been listening, and over three-weeks, they'll share a few words of wisdom by playing off various songs that are currently popular. Today's sermon is on the subject of confession—how it can be heartwrenchingly difficult, but also how it is a necessary aspect of becoming whole in Christ. It requires honesty, self-discovery—and bravery.